Hold On
by forensicsfan
Summary: Sometimes you just need someone to hold you when the nightmares come. This post-ep for 'Grave Danger' is written from Sara's point of view. (NS friendship or more depending on your perspective.)


**Disclaimer:** I don't own them, I didn't create them, and I don't profit from them, but if I could, I'd nominate George for an Emmy for his performance in "Grave Danger", and as always I'd love to buy him and Jorja a cup of coffee anytime.

**Author's Note:** This idea came to me after I watched "Grave Danger" for the second time. All of the characters seemed really moved by Nick's experience, but Sara looked many times like she was trying to keep from crying. And I also considered that perhaps being more human than they'd show us on TV, that none of them would want to leave Nick alone for a while after his ordeal.

* * *

It was the screams that got to me, the shear terror that I could hear in Nick's strangled voice as he thrashed about, tangling himself in the blankets on his bed. It was the same terror that had been in his voice when he'd clung to Grissom and Warrick's arms when they'd opened the casket; the same fear that had made all of us feel like our hearts were shattering into a million pieces as we watched this man that we all loved and admired shaken so deeply. He didn't want to be alone and none of us could really blame him. Me, Warrick and Greg took turns staying with him, fully intending to stay on the couch, but more often than not, staying on the makeshift cot someone had put Nick's room. 

Tonight was different. I wasn't really sleeping; I can't remember the last time I'd really slept anyway, but I'd fallen into that sort of suspended state between sleep and wakefulness when I heard it.

My eyes shot open and I watched in what felt like slow motion as Nick was assaulted with yet another nightmare. His screams were just so pained, so terror filled, I didn't know what else to do but to go to him and try and soothe him.

"Nicky, it's ok, I'm here." I began to stroke his face, wincing as the welts from the ant bites remained. "I'm here, I'm not going anywhere."

"Sara." Nick's words were caught in his throat as he realized where he was.

"I'm here." I squeezed his hand as he grabbed onto it and I knew that he was feeling so ashamed for feeling scared, so exposed since he knew that we'd all seen what he'd gone through over that live feed.

"Would you stay with me?" He didn't seem to want to let go of my hand.

"I'm right here; I'm just sleeping in the cot." I tried to reassure him.

"Would you hold me? Sara, I'm so scared." His eyes pleaded with mine to understand and I knew that it was something that he could never ask Warrick or Greg; he knew that somehow I would understand.

"Yeah, I'll hold you." I crawled onto the bed next to him, not at all surprised that he immediately clung to me when I lay down beside him. What did surprise me though was his need to tell me about his ordeal; I'd worked so hard in my own life to suppress thoughts of the tragedies I'd endured that I wished that I could let it out as freely as Nick did.

"I was so scared." His arms were wrapped around me tightly, pulling me flush against his body. "When I woke up; I didn't know where I was...and then when I figured it out I thought I was going to die..." He tried to stifle a sob.

"Hey, it's ok, you're ok now." I stroked his hair and just tried to reassure him.

"I didn't want to die like that...I knew you'd all be looking for me, but I didn't want to die like that..." Nick's words were barely a whisper.

"We weren't going to let you die." Now I was choking back a sob. From the first moment I'd seen where he was I was sick with worry and I fought hard to keep focused so that we could find him, constantly fighting back tears because he was no ordinary victim; he was my friend and there was nothing I wouldn't do to get him back safe.

Tears were slipping down Nick's cheeks now. "I heard this noise and I thought you'd found me, I was calling out and then I realized no one was there...the plexi-glass started to crack..."

"You're safe now, we found you; you're safe." I wasn't sure my words were doing anything to give Nick a measure of comfort, but it was all I had to offer.

"And then those ants...those damn ants..." Nick sniffled as he tried to regain his composure. "If I hadn't shot that damn light out, the ants wouldn't have been able to get in."

"They helped us find you..." I wasn't sure anyone had told him that. I knew that the bites from the fire ants had given him a great deal of pain and that they were still in the process of healing.

"They did?" Nick sounded surprised. He'd been told many things after he'd been rescued but it all seemed like a blur; too much information to process.

I stroked his face, brushing the traces of his tears away. "Yeah, they did. We could see them on camera and once Grissom figured out what they were, it helped us narrow down where to look; they don't like dry soil."

Nick let out something between a laugh and a sob. "I guess I can't even hate those little buggers now can I?"

"You can hate them all you want..." Nick was the bravest person I think I've ever known; I think most of us would have agreed that we wouldn't have been able to last as long as he had, even before the ants had invaded his tomb. Warrick had mentioned that he thinks he would have taken the quick way out and just shot himself. I'm not sure what I would have done; I don't really want to think about it. I'm just glad that Nick held out; that he had enough faith that we'd find him that he didn't give up.

Nick was quiet for a moment and then he whispered. "Thank you for being here." His voice was thick with emotion and he sounded so vulnerable.

"Hey, what are friends for?" I wanted him to know that he wasn't alone, that he wasn't going to be alone; that I'd be here for him as long as he needed me to be.

"Thank you for holding me." Nick sounded embarrassed and exposed, but he also sounded tremendously grateful.

"Nick..." I just wanted him to know that he didn't need to feel embarrassed; I understood.

He looked at me in the dim light drifting in from the hallway. "Yeah?" He seemed to be bracing himself as if he was afraid of what I was going to say.

I hugged him a little tighter and whispered in his ear. "You can ask me to hold you anytime, ok?"

A glimpse of the Nick I'd known for five years shot out of the darkness that had surrounded him since his ordeal. "Are you hitting on me, Sidle?"

I couldn't help but laugh. Who else but Nick could make a joke at a time like this? "Only in your dreams." Nothing felt so good right then as that easy flirty banter that had become a habit between us.

"Well they'd be a lot better than the ones I've been having lately." Nick tried to keep his tone light, but I knew that it was going to be a long time before the nightmares drifted off into the distance. They'd never really go away, they'd just become less and less frequent.

"Then dream away; I'll still be here when you wake up." I hoped he knew that I wasn't talking about his nightmares.

I could feel Nick pulling me even closer and whisper in my ear. "Thanks, Sara."

"Anytime, Nick." His breathing slowly evened out until I could tell he'd fallen back asleep. Thankfully, he didn't have any more nightmares that night, and in the back of my mind I hoped that he was dreaming about me.

**_The End _**


End file.
